Well, this has been a long time coming. I’ve thought about this moment since the day I started pressing “send” on emails sharing my resume. It’s no secret I’ve shared the ups (and ups… and ups…) of being a “boss lady” on Instagram for the last 2 years. It was easy to show the glamorous life that is working from home, making your own schedule, curating your content in the moment and taking on clients that align with your goals. It’s easy to show how everyday in “boss lady” land is easy-like-Sunday-morning.
Except, it’s not. At least it wasn’t for me.
I spent years, literally years dreaming of the life I lived in 2018. The life I lived was one I dreamed about 3-4 years earlier. I mean, to a T. Because of that, I’m now a firm believer in the power of manifestation. When I worked in toxic and manipulative jobs, I dreamed what my days ahead looked like, down to having a dog, owning a home, waking up when I wanted, brewing coffee in the morning, being a personal trainer, having lunch with the very people I’d dream about, landing clients left and right, traveling any time I wanted - I mean; I had it all.
And about 3-4 months into this new life, reality hit… hard. If every day is like Sunday when can I have a real Sunday? If I’m a personal trainer - that means I have to work hours that my clients are not working. That means less hours with my family. If I’m traveling anytime I want, for as long as I want, when am I home to enjoy the house I built with my partner? If I’m landing clients left and right, that means I have to own up to the promises I’m making to these companies. And for the record, they don’t care that you have 15 other clients you’re making the same promise for (as they shouldn’t).
My life became the complete opposite of the feelings I hoped to have. I would say that I was a bad example of a boss lady. I am a boss lady at heart, I’m a leader, I want to be influential but holy shit, owning a business was something I was not ready for.
I wasn’t prepared for 12-15 hour days sitting in my house creating content for businesses that weren’t my own. I wasn’t ready for tax season (ohhhhhhhh was I not ready). I wasn’t ready for working on vacation - even though I was posting on Instagram about how much I loved my flexible life. I was not ready to see my first client cycle reveal itself only a month before my wedding. I was not ready to turn my brain “on” and “off” when my husband came home from work.
So, I made a choice. I went back to work. I went back to work in an office (like, a real one) one week after I got married. Which means, yes, the week of my wedding I was on phone calls, taking interviews and negotiating offers. It was fucking nuts. And, I’m so fucking proud.
Here’s the thing. You can be a boss, you can have talent and you can be smart as hell. But it takes a special person to create and run a business. Building something by yourself is lonely and terrifying. I made the choice to go back for my own mental health.
I craved collaborating with the same people Monday through Friday. I craved putting makeup on and wearing work-appropriate clothes (I mean seriously, when you get to a point that leggings feel like work pants and the only other option is to stop wearing pants at all, you need a change. You can not not be wearing pants when the mailman comes, okay?). And dare I say it, I missed having someone to look up to and work alongside.
So, I went “back to work”. That’s the term I use, which I find funny because I have always been working. I’ll never not work. That’s what makes me a boss. I’m still entrepreneurial, I still have ideas and I’m still creative. I thought my only option was to work for myself when in fact, my biggest challenge was to put my ego aside and - just, enjoy working. It doesn’t matter for who, and it doesn’t matter where - just work to make yourself proud.
Isn’t that what work is all about anyway?
I didn’t want to write this post because I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me. I know, withholding information from a person on the internet I may or may not have (hopefully have!) met is really silly.
But I want you to know that no matter where you are in your career, it’s what’s inside that matters. If you’ve learned anything from me over the years - it’s that what you do for a paycheck means nootthingggg. Your goals are what important and no matter what you do it makes an impact.
So here we are, today, almost 8 months later. I’ve been working for another company. Have you noticed? I would assume not, because when I mention it at events people are surprised. Putting myself and my family first is the most important thing. And you didn’t even notice, so don’t be surprised when you continue to see more content over the next 6 months ;-)